"bunch of crazy white people... "

Every Billboard Modern Rock Chart #1 through 2005, listed in order of preference.  

217. Soul Asylum, "Misery"

June 3 - June 23, 1995

Man cannot survive on meta alone.

They say misery loves company
We could start a company and make misery

Frustrated, incorporated


218. Crash Test Dummies, "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm"

March 12 - 18, 1994

Giving the folk wisdom of Freedom Williams & Arsenio Hall the magisterial air it deserves.

Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm

Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm
Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm



219. Live, "Lightning Crashes"

February 25 - April 28, 1995

Fun fact: Kowalcyzk slit his wrists and shoved a baby up his ass before recording the vocal, so that his "I can feel it" would sound more authentic.

lightning crashes
a new mother cries
her placenta falls to the floor
the angel opens her eyes


220. Gene Loves Jezebel, "Jealous"

August 11-17 & August 25-31, 1990

I'm not sure why this lame-brained, limp post-Zep strut qualifies as "modern rock." After all, Def Leppard put pretty arpeggios before the chorus, and they weren't "modern rock." As I won't be exploring the Gene Love Jezebel catalog further, I assume it's because they were too wimpy to be metal and too sucky to be pop.

I spot two lovers on the Old Brompton Road.
I feel so jealous God
I need someone to hold.

(note: this is the only couplet from the song I could find on the web)


221. Chad Kroeger feat. Josey Scott, "Hero"

June 8 - 28, 2002

I can't really tell what this song is about, but I think it voted for Bush.

Someone told me that love would all save us.
But how can that be?
Look what love gave us.
A world full of killing, and blood-spilling, that
world never came.

And they say that a hero can save us.
I'm not gonna stand here and wait.
I'll hold on to the wings of the eagles.
Watch as we all fly away.


222. Red Hot Chili Peppers, "My Friends"

November 18 - December 15, 1995

There are many odes to the healing power of love in the Peppers' ouvre. This is probably the slowest.

My friends are so distressed
And standing on
The brink of emptiness
No words... I know of to express
This emptiness


223. Big Audio Dynamite, "Just Play Music!"

September 17-23, 1988

Haircut 100 + Rapping = The Soundtrack To World Peace? Mick Jones says...yes.

If it's hitting make it stick
Do your job just play music
Critics mags and interviews
Who cares about bad reviews


224. Lou Reed, "Dirty Blvd."

February 11 - March 10, 1989

"Sweet Jane" with less hook, less rock, but more commentary about The Ghetto. Run.

Give me your hungry, your tired your poor I'll piss on 'em
That's what the Statue of Bigotry says
Your poor huddled masses, let's club 'em to death
and get it over with and just dump 'em on the boulevard

Get 'em out, on the dirty boulevard.


225. Depeche Mode, "I Feel You"

March 7 - April 30, 1993

Yet another case of U2 inspiring a perfectly fine musical group to suck eggs. "Personal Jesus" may have introduced the guitar, but the swagger and clatter scream 'Achtung Baby D-side.'

I feel you
Your precious soul
And I am whole
I feel you
Your rising sun
My kingdom comes


226. Elvis Costello, "The Other Side Of Summer"

May 25 - June 21, 1991

I'm always surprised when people get excited about this choad. When I hear songs like this - shrill, bitter, bedraggled with grandiose fillips - I can't believe that the pleasures of This Years Model haven't been stained by association, let alone that others bother to find the six tracks they can stand on When I Was Cruel. Some people are just able to ignore his assholery, or believe that his excessive "wordplay" and "songcraft" justifies it. Not that I've heard anyone defend Mighty Like A Rose, the source of this sour marzipan.

The automatic gates close up between the shanties and the palace
The blowtorch amusements, the voodoo chalice
The pale pathetic promises that everybody swallows
A teenage girl is crying 'cos she don't look like a million dollars
So help her if you can
'Cos she don't seem to have the attention span


227. Three Days Grace, "Just Like You"

August 7 - 27, 2004

Abusive music, abused perspective. The perfect soundtrack to domestic violence, guaranteed to keep the cycle from breaking.

I could be mean
I could be angry
You know I could be just like you

I could be fake
I could be stupid
You know I could be just like you


228. U2, "Staring At The Sun"

April 12 - May 2, 1997

In which U2 beats Oasis at their own game, said game being the reduction of "Beatle-esque" to the most sluggish, dippy hippie-trisms. Bono sings about about insects scratching his ear (and Jesus) while the Edge's guitar gently rapes yours (and Jesus's). I know Ireland ain't England, but neither is Seattle, and Chris fucking Cornell does this kind of thing better. Inexplicable, excruciating ass.

In the shade of a willow tree
Creeps a crawling over me
Over me and over you
Stuck together with God`s glue
It`s going to get stickier too


  • 02.19.2006
  • 02.26.2006
  • 03.05.2006
  • 03.12.2006
  • 03.19.2006
  • 03.26.2006
  • 04.02.2006
  • 04.09.2006
  • 04.16.2006
  • 04.23.2006
  • 04.30.2006
  • 05.07.2006
  • 05.14.2006
  • 05.21.2006
  • 05.28.2006
  • 06.04.2006
  • 06.11.2006
  • 06.18.2006
  • 07.02.2006


    Anthony Is Right Popular Boogie Fever Land Of A Thousand Dances


    anthonyisright at gmail dot com

    This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?